Commence

Hello, blog.

This is the first of these that I will ever be seriously having as the person I am now. I guess I had one in high school, but I am such a radically different person now that it is safe to say you are bored of this sentence by now.

How are you, world? You know, you are kind of mean sometimes, but that is okay because you are kind of nice some other times. It is fascinating.

This week has been a pretty major turning point in my life. I managed, for the first time ever, to scrounge up the courage to ask a dude if he's gay. This is important for me because it's the only real way of telling, and it's a thing I need to know about dudes I am attracted to.

Yes, blog. I'm gay. I guess it's good to get that out of the way right now. It's been common knowledge among my friends and such, but I just met you and I'd have to tell you for you to know, right? I also realize the internet is public and my family members could easily locate this with a cursory web search. I don't really care anymore. I suppose if they are that interested in who I am, they can know. It doesn't really bother me and it shouldn't really bother them. I'm pretty much done hiding it. My dad is probably too computer illiterate to figure out how to find this besides, and he's the only one who could significantly affect my life at the moment (i.e. kicking me out of the house and forcing me to suspend schoolwork until I have money.)

Right, the dude. Stanley. He's in my linear algebra class. He actually looks rather plain, but it's a charming sort, and he's a nice guy. I consider him a friend. I'd try to consider him as more, but I'm pretty sure he's already taken. I kind of hope he never reads this, but whatever.

It's extremely unfortunate. I was prepping myself for him to say he's not gay. It's a tacit response I've pretty much imagined everyone else having in my fantasy situations where I'm a confident individual and I can ask these things without screwing up the courage to say "gay." I mean, it's a safe assumption right? The odds are 94% in my favor, right? Those are pretty good odds.

Not this time.

I suppose I should have seen it coming, though. The other guy who sits next to me is talking about girls all the time. The day I asked Stanley, while walking on the way to the elevator with him, I kept almost saying it, and he told me to spit it out. Before class started, I told him that I had a difficult question to ask and he didn't immediately ask what it was, which I think most people would. He probably knew from that point what I was going to ask.

He's an extremely pleasant person though. I think, even if he is taken, that I will be fine. Before now, I've felt so alone, like I was the only one, because my living situation and the student organizations at my university do not afford me the opportunity to meet others as readily. But now... I dunno.

I guess I'm pretty happy that I managed to turn rejection into contentment.

I do need to clear things up with him, though. I was so surprised that he's gay that I overreacted majorly. Not badly, obviously, but I guess I was just extremely excited and amazed that the first person I ever asked happened to also be gay.

I'll get back to you after I talk with him again, blog.